We once lived in a cave underwater. It was autumn, days grew darker earlier and light barely glimmered into the bedroom where we tumbled deep into the abyss of love. It was just three weeks after we met but time was irrelevant. You felt familiar, like I'd always known you, or maybe, had been waiting for you. Whatever it was, I knew I could surrender. I have never met a man so brave, so willing to let go so soon.
During the early, dreamy days of our courtship, we came up for air to hike among fiery colors of dying leaves. We hunted for mushrooms — maitake, chicken of the woods, turkey tail — sea creatures of the forest floor. As we collected mushrooms, we collected memories. We were together so much that I hardly had time to miss you. When I tried writing about you, I didn’t have the distance or time to find the right words.
Scientists have peered into the brains of people in the early stages of love and found that when shown pictures of their beloved, dopamine — the “feel-good” hormone, part of our reward system — flooded their brains.1 That’s no surprise really, but the interesting thing is that our brains need to release dopamine to store long-term memories. Being madly in love creates more dopamine, and more dopamine leads to better memory. Of course, the lens through which we see our partners skews the memories we store for better or worse. Those who trust their partners look back in time and remember moments together romantically, while those with low trust tend to hold onto negative moments. Trust or lack thereof changes how our brains on love process memories. And the hippocampus2, a seahorse shaped structure in the brain is where we store many of those memories.3
Humans and other mammals have two symmetrically curved hippocampi hidden within the cerebral hemisphere. It is our hippocampal neural system that binds common features of different moments separated in time — our first date, first kiss by the fire, watching the full moon rise on the Equinox, when you said, I love you more than seems possible after six months, and you know, I love you more every day. The hippocampus also plays a role as a differentiator of social memories when enabled by the neurochemical oxytocin, the “love” hormone known for its role in bonding, empathy and sexual pleasure.
Seahorses are incredibly romantic. In their elaborate courtship rituals, they swim snout to snout and change colors to show they are ready to mate. Seahorse flirting can last for days and usually begins with the male and female anchored to the same plant so they don’t float away. These strange, sweet fish are terrible swimmers..
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